Tips in Comforting Others

Offer to help, ask them how:

• This one simple gesture could allow a person to feel comfort.
• Make things easier: clean their car, wash their dishes, mow their lawn and buy their groceries
• offer practical specific help.

Be understanding:

• Not everything is "black and white". Try to understand what the person may be experiencing.

Don't talk too much:

• Your presence is most important. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
• Realize that you may not have to say anything that's creative and memorable. Sometimes, words may not even be necessary at all.
• The fact that you show up conveys a powerful message itself. While others allow their timidity to keep them away from an uncomfortable setting, you have arrived with friendship and support.
• Consider this: Chances are good that the person you visit may not remember your exact comments after you leave. More importantly, though, they will remember that you came to the hospital, funeral home, or residence.
• Let them talk, don't judge their emotions. Often we don't know what to say in sympathy. Most times it is not necessary to say much at all....just listen.

Think of yourself, if you were in their place.

• Be real-people will be able to tell if you are sincere. Follow the "Golden Rule"-Treat others as you want to be treated. Don't pretend you are interested if you are not.

Stay in touch:

• A traditional response pattern has dozens of people dropping by immediately for the first two or three days of a catastrophe, then disappearing.
• your return presence will bring special meaning.